Ron Swanson defines it as a “Classic Trap”
One of the famous quotes from Pawnee’s very own Director of Parks Department.
So after many seasons of watching Ann Perkins’ dating life where she dated Andy Dwyer, Mark Brendanawicz, Chris Traeger, and Tom Haverford — seriously, Ann? Almost EVERY main male character on the show!? — she finally settles with Chris. I thought Mark suits her character the most but then he left and of course the show had to find another love interest for Ann, so there’s Chris, arguably the sweetest guy on the show. We all know Chris can be a little too much, but as their relationship progresses it had come to my senses that an adorable woman like Ann deserves someone who has the energy to adore her that much.
Long story short, after the early break-up they reconciled and decided to have kids. As a caring dad-to-be, Chris wants to do everything for Ann and their baby; buying baby supplies, doing house chores, checking in on her every minute, you name it. Somehow it reached to a point that Ann feels like helping her out with all those things makes Chris unaware of her actual issues which were mood swings, back pain, swollen ankles, and tender breasts. Ann only told the gang about this because she needed to release her thoughts but doesn’t have the heart to tell Chris since he’s being so sweet during the pregnancy.
Wanting to help with the situation, Ron, Donna, and Tom went to Chris’ house and told him how in some ways he’s both helping and not helping Ann with the pregnancy. After a while, Ron came up with one of his typical words of “wisdom” about women. They’re usually funny, but this one struck me a little.
You’ve fallen into a classic trap, Christopher, trying to fix a woman’s problems instead of just listening to what they are.
— Ron Swanson
Tell me HOW is that not true!? LOL. Sing it with me: We. Just. Want. To. Be. Heard!
“Acts of Service” has never been my love language so forgive me if I’m biased, but really, when I tell someone — especially my SO — about my problem, helping me to solve it isn’t the first thing that come across my mind. I just really need to vent and in most cases hearing me is the most helpful thing a man can do. We can talk about whether you can help me later on.
However, I’ve been told that men like the feeling when they’re able to help us women with our issues, so it’s good to just let them be. Maybe it’s the same satisfaction as when they like our cooking. I also know many “Acts of Service” people out there and it’s not wrong at all as long as both parties are comfortable with it. But one thing I’m certain is the listening part always comes first, and sometimes people tend to forget about it (or too lazy to listen, haha).
I agree with Ron that it is a classic trap, since people often fall into this hole over and over. It seems that there’s no way to end this naturally except we’re willing to communicate like Ann did (well, she only gained the courage after the gang helped her with it, but who can blame her). Also, it would never hurt to ask mindful questions when we’re not sure what to do, such as:
“What can I do to help?”
“Do you want my opinion or is this one of those times where you just want me to listen?”
“Can I ask about how it went?”
A good listener makes an excellent partner. Let’s be one of them!
